Life has all its hidden gems, we just need to be more observant. As I spent more and more time listening rather than talking, here are other Uncomfortable things that I think shouldn’t be said but I will still say.
Five Uncomfortable Things To Say but I Will Say It Instead; I Think
Self-love
Self-love is not the same as desiring to be loved
- Developing self-love will be hard, especially nowadays when we can easily access social media. I have said it before and will always be telling you, readers, that social media takes a toll on our mental health by giving us an insane amount of “a better life than yours”. If you search on the internet you can see a lot of research that supports this claim. One thing I noticed with most of those who are developing self-love is that the self-love they are developing or have developed is backed up by the idea that someone should’ve loved them, and because they can’t feel that love, they resort to the wrong idea of self-love by loving themselves. Remember this, self-love should be developed because of the idea that you need to love and take good care of yourself, and it should never be because of the desire to be loved. Desiring to be loved by others is not wrong, but again, it should never be greater than true self-love.
Emotion and Response
Your emotions are your responsibilities.
- Anything in this world doesn’t happen to you, instead, it happens for you. I don’t truly believe in what they say that “expectations are the cause of your disappointments’ but instead it’s because of the tendency to think that you can control things that are around you. Expecting something from someone or anything in whatever aspect of life is a sign that you are trying to control what would happen in the future. Our emotions are our own, and will never be controlled by anyone other than us. Persuasion, manipulation, or suggestions are only tricks that every one of us uses to influence how others should think, and in the end, the way how we react is still up to us. I have heard this phrase from a podcast I followed “The Mindset Mentor”, he once mentioned that “Between stimulus and response there's a space, a power, to choose our response.” It’s true, let’s say for example, why is it that when someone is angry, it is easier to throw something of lesser value (a paper, or a ball), than a 15,000 pesos worth of gadget? It’s easier to kick a wall rather than kick a fragile vase? Or punch a wall rather than the face of someone irritating? It’s because he chooses not to, the main idea here is you have a choice! Make it a habit to choose the better choice and to take responsibility for your emotions. Other persons can provoke you, but it’s all up to you if you allow them to let it provoke you. Teasing, for example, becomes pointless if it doesn’t irritate the target. People will always have something to say. Callousness is the key!
Taking Actions
Thoughts feed the problem, action starves it
- As I have noticed, one of the weirdest human abilities is that we are capable of thinking beyond what we are thinking. The ability to plan and see what are some “possible” results that may occur. Though it’s really helpful in a way that it makes us aware and prepared for something that might happen, I just don’t know why is it that we are more prone into thinking of what are the negatives that we might encounter. Probably, the reason behind it is rooted in our primeval era, wherein we need to survive the harsh environment that isn’t fit for humans, that’s why this constant strive of doing anything to survive (self-preservation) had made its way to be embedded in our brains. Unlike nowadays, human beings became successful in utilizing the environment to their advantage. Unluckily, the idea of self-preservation is still in use, thus when we encounter problems, we tend to take a lot of time into thinking about what to do, then this instead feeds us with much worse thoughts causing more made-up problems from a problem (even worse if you were an overthinker), and leaves us into not putting an action that solves the problem, or even if you put to action, you will go questioning it, because, c’mon, your thoughts are giving you 500 plans, and telling you to take 500 actions. If ever, you get into this kind of situation, remember “Focus on your goal.” Take a pause, ask yourself what’s the problem?, what can I do to solve this problem? is it the best solution? if not, will this result in the common good? If yes, so be it. Take your action!
Uncertainties
Your ability to handle uncertainty adds value to what you are in life
- The only constant thing in this world is change. We will always be faced with different changes, and because everything changes, it is safe to say that there are always uncertainties in your life. As I noticed, I can’t believe that before, when I was faced with uncertainties I tend to snap out of reality and go shut down, but everything goes back into pieces when I suddenly snapped out of this self-defensive state and said “F*** this sh*t! I need to do something that will give me progress in solving my problem.” Now, these uncertainties are somehow seen by me as opportunities to be a better me. There’s no more “Success and Failures” it’s “Success or Failure there’s Opportunity”. Let me tell you an example that I have seen as I spent walking alone in a busy town, and normally in the Philippines street persons, of any age are present. Once, I went out and saw a friend of mine, a street child named “Christian a.k.a. Baksan”, I treat him with dinner, and as we are eating, I asked him, “What if no one gives you money, where will you get the money for you to eat?” He replied, non-verbatim “In a day, there’s no chance that I will get zero money. If it wasn’t enough, I would do work in exchange for food, only if it wasn’t enough.” I asked “Aren’t you embarrassed in asking money from others?” he said, “Yes I do, but it’s the best thing that I can do, and I need to develop a thick skin to get what I want, though getting money from alms is uncertain, I would still do what I can and ask again on other hoping this time they will give.” Then it made me realize that, like these street children, we were all facing our uncertainty and developing our style on handling it will help us get better in dealing with life. In his case, “kapal ng mukha / callous face” is his key to achieve his goal, to get money from strangers. P.S. I am not tolerating giving alms to beggars. Christian was my former pupil when he was in grade 2, and because of poverty, he became a street child.
Take what you need.
If having a healthier mind is your goal, refuse to take junk
- The “You are what you eat.” statement should be changed to “You are responsible for what you feed yourself.” I know the statement sounds privileged, but hear me out. The reality of life is that it will never be easy, and if you think that life is easy, you haven’t seen how life can be smashing us. Never think as if the world revolves around you, no it isn’t. The universe has its way, a system that is unknown to us. I don’t know the reason, but from what I have noticed I see that before time, we use social media as an escape from reality, but nowadays, we use reality to escape social media. To support my claim, I know you can notice that outdoor activities such as camping, beaching, island hopping, trekking, and outdoor dinner, had become so popular and was in demand. Probably the pandemic contributed much for whatever the reason may be. In any way, I see it as because social media today had become so toxic that it wasn’t the same haven to anyone anymore. You can see so many topics, and news that wasn’t mentally helpful, and worse is it will feed a lot of your newsfeed with this. And if you are the type of person that takes everything all, feels emotion, and is easily provoked, you will become overwhelmed by it. The last thought that I have is quite self-explanatory. A trash can is called a trash can because it cans trash and we all know that trashes aren’t clean, so you will never see a clean trashcan (obviously used) Actually I find it funny (warning: I may sound invalidating) why I tend to listen to sad music when I'm feeling sad, which makes me become even more sad, same with the the the person that claims to be able to achieve self-love “but” was a people pleaser, a narcissist's that claims to be manipulated, seriously, you cannot achieve the things you wanted if you are doing the opposite. If you’re going to the North, don’t walk in the direction that will lead you to the South. If you want to have a healthier mind, refuse and don’t take any junk. Learn to filter what you put in your mind, remember, you are responsible forr what for yourself. You can't just go forcing things to fit into places that aren’t helping you believing that it will work like a placebo.
Authors Note
All of these ideas are based only on my observation of the surrounding. The ideas I have presented may not be always true in your case, and I respect that, but hopefully, you can have an insight into what message I wanted to deliver. Thanks!!
If you have any suggestions or wanted to be discussed, feel free to comment down below! Thanks.